You have come to the right place if you want to hear about the Best Marshal Bedivere, and here is your usual vigorous reminder that I love Arthurian mythos, so here we go:

Bedivere is one of the oldest, most prestigious characters in Arthurian mythos, dating back to Welsh scriptures (in which he is named Bedwyr Bedrydant), which is more than a surprising many characters from Arthurian mythos can ever claim. In fact, it is believed by some that Sir Lancelot du Lac, the famous peerless knight, is in fact a “splinter” from Bedivere, as Lancelot appears in Arthurian writings too late for him to be historical, and thus was given some of Bedivere’s deeds to make a separate character. Yes, historical. Some characters in old Welsh scriptures, the basis for what would become the Arthurian mythos, are believed to have been based on real people. Bedivere is such a case, and it is normally accepted that the basis for Bedivere was, indeed, a real person.

Well, with that introduction aside, let’s begin! The earliest we know of Sir Bedivere is back in Welsh tradition. Known then as Bedwyr Bedrydant, which literally translates to “Bedwyr of the Perfect Sinews”, he was a muscular, beautiful, handsome knight under Arthur’s command whose most peculiar trait was his disability: He was one armed. Now, you might think, what is the world’s first slot machine doing playing knight? Well, see, the Welsh poem, Pa Gur, has the answer for you: 

They fell by the hundred
before Bedwyr of the Perfect-Sinew.
On the shores of Tryfrwyd
fighting with Garwlwyd
furious was his nature
with sword and shield

The man was a whirlwind of death and chaos. Hoisting his shield and sword on the same arm, Bedivere was said to slay thousands of men during numerous battles with just his one arm, making him the first Dynasty Warriors character ever. The man was like when Popeye ate spinach, except 24/7 and somehow scarier. You did not want to tussle with that guy, because his one arm had more fury in store for you than all four of Mortal Kombat’s Goro. 

So basically, you had this beautiful one armed son of a gun who could absolutely beat you up. His cousin was Sir Griflet and his brother was Sir Lucan, suggesting that, in his genes, there’s probably a secret Kick Ass Knight gene or chromosome we have yet to replicate successfully, and God help us if we ever do, because I am personally not ready for an army of one armed hunks to kick all of our asses, well, one handed.

Aside from being a Knight of the Round Table and one of Arthur’s oldest friends, retainers, and confidants, Sir Bedivere was also Arthur’s marshal. It means that whenever Arthur had anything he needed done, major or minor, and maybe even his immediate presence was needed, yet he was unable to be there (being King is Busy), Bedivere was sent, with all the authority of King Arthur, to deal with these issues. Because Bedivere was a Trusted Friend in every meaning of the word, a pure soul, worthy of the Churro Man’s churros. Bedivere was also good friends with King Arthur’s dog, Cavall, and the two of them, in fact, had a kick ass adventure together in Ireland, hunting for the Twrch Trwyth, an enchanted evil boar with poisoned tusks and that carried a pair of scissors, a comb, and a razor (mythos gets weird, bear with me), who was actually the cursed form of an Irish prince. Well, Bedivere and Cavall were having none of this so they went and punched it right off the shore and into the sea, where it drowned. 

The good Sir Bedivere was friends with Sir Kay, another old Welsh character, known there as Cei. Cei’s/Kay’s catchphrase when he is startled or shocked in any way, in fact, is a quip towards Bedivere: “By the hand of my friend!”

‘Cause, you know, one arm.

Bedivere’s most famous weapon is a magical lance, and in fact it seems his main weaponry are spears, as he is mentioned to wield them pretty commonly, and during the hunt for the giant Ysbaddaden (a very naughty boy), Bedivere was the first knight to strike it during the fight, hitting him with a poisoned spear (that he stole from an enemy, in fact). During his time in Ireland, he basically does a bunch of cool shit, kills two giants, retrieves some magical hair, and overall is very helpful.

Back in England, Bedivere kills another giant (this dude is like Levi but with a whole squad that didn’t die and also part of a cool show/mythos), and goes to war with Rome with his buddy pal bro Arthur, fighting tooth and nail versus Emperor Lucius.

Many more Cool Deeds are performed and Bedivere proves himself to be the Best Marshal over and over, until the Fateful Day comes: The Battle of Camlann.

Now, if you are familiar with Arthurian mythos, “Camlann” is the FUCKZONE. This is where everything goes to hell, back, and back to hell. The Battle of Camlann is Final Destination. It’s the third Bowser battle in Super Mario 64. It’s the very last battle of King Arthur, where Arthur fought against Mordred, his knight or nephew or son, depending on which tale you believe.

I’ll skip the battle since that is a Tale Of Its Own, but the thing is, literally everyone except seven people died, and that’s in the most generous version, in a good deal of versions, only two survive the whole thing from both armies: Arthur and Bedivere.

This is the final act. Arthur, dying from the wounds he sustained in the duel with Mordred, orders Bedivere to throw the Excalibur back into the lake. Bedivere goes, but doesn’t do it, because he believes Excalibur is too valuable to Britain to just throw it back in a pond. He goes back and lies to Arthur. Arthur asks him “and what happened when you threw it?”, and Bedivere said “nothing really”. Arthur admonishes him, and I quote: “why you fuckin lyin”. Arthur knew something had to happen.

Bedivere apologizes and goes to the lake again. He doesn’t throw it again. He lies again. Arthur mutters a heated “why you always lyin” and Bedivere finally gives in, and the third time, he does throw it. As the holy blade was falling to the lake, The Lady of the Lake’s hand caught it midair right before the blade landed, and took it down with her.

Bedivere explains what happened, Arthur thanks him and, giving in to his great wounds, dies.

Bedivere becomes a hermit after this, and that’s the last we ever knew of Arthur’s knight, marshal, and friend, the sole survivor of this whole mess.