I will say like. I dont “hate” the asks i get where yall are pining. I get where youre coming from and it does feel easier to stay there and lgbt people have a lot of anxiety in general especially surrounding relationships and because of the way our media is we place a lot of significance on that period of the relationship where you are wanting them from afar. Pining is one of the most popular fanfiction tropes out there. But i have two things to say about this-

1- pining and crushing from afar is not how most relationships go. Most of the relationships my friends and family are in were started by being up front and open about their feelings- “hey, i think you’re attractive, can I get your number? Can we go on a date?” Are all valid questions and not unusual at all. Its common in our particular microcosm of the internet because learning how to talk about our desires is not something that we learned how to do. Which then combines with the trauma of being lgbt and feeling as though these desires are somehow “dirty” or “predatory” and basically its an ideal way to make generation after generation of lgbt teens as repressed as possible. You cant make someone else uncomfortable with your desires if you never tell them about them, and the last thing you want to do is make someone you care so totally about uncomfortable. And then there’s also people on here saying “pining for years is gay culture!!” “Yearning is gay culture!!” Etc etc etc, which normalizes it in our heads. It is not culture, though. It is trauma. Therapy can help you with these thoughts! Even just thinking- when you recognize youre in a spiral about making the other person uncomfortable/ruining things, reminding yourself that though these are valid worries, a lot of other people have felt the way you do, and there is nothing wrong with having feelings or thoughts about a person, and that it is not shameful or anything of the sort. It is all absolutely normal.

2- you do not know how much time you have with the person who you like. I know you are young and worries about timespans are not on your mind yet, and i’m not saying they should be. If you are reading this, you most likely are young! Don’t spend your whole life worrying about the end of it! But i as a person am hyperaware of the limited amount of time life can give you. I lost someone who i was in love with when i was 17 and i had never told him how i felt. I figured exactly what you have probably figured- that he didnt like me and i was misinterpreting his signals, that i’d ruin our very good friendship, that i was being creepy or predatory or what have you. And so i never told him! A year later i found out that the entire time he had liked me back, and it destroyed me. Telling him would not have lengthened the time we had, but it would have kept me from wondering about what it could have been for the rest of my life. It is one of my biggest regrets. Which is why i get so riled when i get asks like “ive been pining for 7 years, i think they like me back but i’m not sure so i’m never going to tell them.”

Life is terribly long and incredibly short. Do not waste it on repression and worries and fears. If someone doesn’t want you back it wont be the end of you or your friendship with them. Don’t spend all your time pining and in fear. You do not have to love from afar your whole life. You deserve to be loved openly in return.